Is it me, or is there something condescending about these sex toys?
Thanks to the medical imaginary, it’s difficult enough trying to navigate my vagina–why does the adult novelty industry have to make it worse? Diagrams of female reproductive and sexual organs already read like stereo instructions. I don’t want to deal with a sex toy that’s manual is equally as complicated.
When you add female ejaculation into the mix, things get even more complex. Besides the fact that some people say female ejaculation may not even be possible in the first place (many of which are also Holocaust deniers), the muscular actions for squirting are totally counter to those for orgasm, and there are at least four words used to refer to the area that needs to be stimulated in order for ejaculation to occur: g-spot (a.k.a. Grafenberg Spot), Skene’s gland, urethral sponge, and female prostate. If you feel overwhelmed, welcome to the club.
Although I myself have not yet acheived female ejaculation, I have been studying it for five years and consider myself to be quite a resource on the subject. Hypocritical but nonetheless true, I am a clear-cut case of the tired old saying, “those who can’t do, teach.” All the same, I’d like to share my knowledge with you, and I hope you find my website to be the kind of space where you would like to share yours as well. Below are some very basic directions that I wrote on how to make yourself ejaculate using the Lelo Ella.
Unlike the ridiculous toys pictured above, the Ella is a sophisticated, minimalist toy that’s design has what I will hesitantly call “anatomical intuition.” The Ella is double-ended, so it can be used either with the rounded tip up, which works best for “more traditional penetrative acts,” or with the other side up, which is a two-inch flat surface. Since your g-spot is also a two-inch flat surface, the Lelo Ella is ideal for g-spot stimulation and female ejaculation. When used “flat end up,” the Ella’s curved body guides itself right to your g-spot, which is “tucked” up and to the front. Made of silicone, the flat head provides the resistance that you will need, and the body is just flexible enough to adjust safely inside of yours.
On with the instructions:
1. Locate your g-spot.
Your g-spot is the muscular, ridged, spongy two-inch area that hides out about two inches inside of your vaginal canal. Conveniently, your pointer-finger is about two inches. Once you have it inside of yourself, bend it (it pains me to repeat this cliché, but make that “come-hither” gesture) and DISCO! That’s your g-spot. If you’d like to look at a map first, 3D Vulva is the most comprehensible I’ve come across to date.
2. Lube up.
Even if you’re already wet, lube up. The g-spot requires a lot of pressure to get to the point of ejaculation, and the lube will protect that poor thing while you’re repeatedly pounding it with a foreign object. Lube yourself, lube your toy. Lube, lube, lube.
3. Fuck yourself.
Make sure that the Ella’s curve is pointing up and out (toward your belly button, not your bum) and that the head of the Ella is face-to-face with your g-spot.
4. Push out.
When you’re ready to squirt, it’s going to feel like you have to pee. That’s because the 31 ducts that surround your bladder and urethra areas have filled up with ejaculatory fluid. When it feels like you have to pee, push out like you have to pee. Your vaginal muscles will push the toy out of your vagina and ejaculatory fluid will be pushed from your urethra. Some chicks can squirt like fountains, some make less of a scene. If you want to be one of the gals that puts on a show, practice.
I hope that this introductory how-to raised more questions than it answered. I’ll be addressing the shortcomings and political follies of this post in upcoming entries, so be sure to stay tuned!
NOTE: My own relationship with the concept female ejaculation is too bound up with the nature of truth to publish this post without a reminding you that I was given incentive to review the Lelo Ella. I will also note that this particular review is critical, not experiential. If you’re interested in knowing more, watch my video.