Monthly Archives: November 2010

Improving Intimacy with Leslie Blackburn

FRIEND: how strange & hippy dippy is the intimacy workshop going to be?

ME: not at all and I’ve got video to prove it!

FRIEND: will it give me the ability to carry on a conversation?

ME: it will give you the ability to acknowledge the funny feelings you feel when you make eye contact with people.

FRIEND: sounds like a first step if I ever heard one!

I have been raving about Leslie Blackburn’s work as a sexual healer and transformational guide ever since last spring when I had my mind blown at her “Sacred Sexuality and Female Ejaculation” workshop. The three hours I spent learning from Blackburn evoked an awareness of the possibility for a greater, more sensitive existence. I left feeling the demands of these freshly-opened spaces–an urgent and unplaceable awareness of their need for recognition and nurture. Even though that particular workshop was just an overview of the approach Blackburn takes in all of the engagements through her company, One Space, I knew that I had a transformative experience like none I had ever had before.

These are strong words, and I am well aware that speaking or writing in this way has the tendency to put people off. Like my friend in the text messages, I am normally quite squeamish about spirituality and have spent my life silently rolling my eyes whenever the issue arises. And it is this history of being utterly uncomfortable with spirituality that fuels my enthusiasm about Blackburn’s perspective: she enlightened me, and this guided me to a place of possibility.

Blackburn’s personhood had a lot to do with how and why I opened up to all of these feelings and ideas–had it not been she who presented them to me I don’t believe I would have taken to them easily. So when I ran in to Leslie after her performance at Damned and found out that she was holding another workshop, I asked if I could interview her about it. Perhaps listening to and seeing Blackburn on video could be the straw for someone else who is on the line about going to the workshop and having realizations as significant as I did.

Photo from onespaceconnected.com

Below are two excerpts from our one-hour interview. In the first video, Blackburn talks about the importance of self-pleasure to achieving intimacy with others. In the second video she discusses her workshop, “Improving Intimacy and Connection.” This workshop will take on Sunday, December 5th from 6:00 pm to 9:00 pm at the Detroit Flyhouse in the FD Lofts in Eastern Market. More information and directions to register for the workshop (make sure to do it by Wednesday!) can be found here.

The RAPE/DETROIT Project is Closed Down

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Regrettably, the effort formally known as “The RAPE/DETROIT Project” was forced into early retirement last weekend when the donation box was removed from its place at The Burton Theatre and returned to management, empty.

Earlier this month I initiated a campaign to raise awareness about the 10,000-count backlog of unprocessed rape kits that was discovered in the Detroit Police Department crime lab when it closed in 2008. The plan was to raise enough money to purchase “Rape Detroit,” a wearable artwork by Nate Czarling, and for me to wear the t-shirt each day throughout December to bring attention to the cause. Thank you to those who engaged me personally and made contributions. Your feedback showed me that there is enough concern and support to continue raising awareness.

Despite this obstacle, The RAPE/DETROIT Project achieved its larger goal of generating an activist-minded network committed to this issue. Together, we are working to raise awareness, gather and share information, and take action at a larger scale. We hold an open invitation to those individuals and entities interested in collaboration and contribution. Contact for details.

How to Achieve Female Ejaculation (Guest Post)

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I learned how to achieve female ejaculation during college while I was tending bar. I worked as a bartender for several years, slinging drinks, chatting people up and making a decent amount of money. The one thing I liked about it was that you never knew what was going to happen when you went in. Whenever there were down times, I would find myself talking to guests about random, funny things. One day, a guest told me about a time that he made a girl squirt. I was immediately intrigued. He said, with what I believe was without exaggeration, that she literally flooded his bed when she came.

Inspired by his story, I went home and told my boyfriend. I assumed if some random girl could do it, I could too. We tried and tried, but to no avail, never got it to work. However it got me thinking, just because I haven’t been able to yet, doesn’t mean you can’t….

Every woman is built to be able to squirt–also known as gushing and female ejaculation–it just requires the right stimulation, relaxation and desire to do so. But before we begin your lesson in squirting it’s important to mention that female ejaculation is not purely urine. Studies haven’t been able to fully pinpoint the components, but they have discovered that it is part urine, part phosphotase (the same chemical that makes up semen) and then a mix of inconsistent chemicals. So while you may feel like you’re peeing when it happens, rest easy knowing that it isn’t truly urine. This fluid is released when the G-Spot is stimulated, which is actually located in the same spot, just on the opposite wall, as the male prostate.

Now making yourself squirt is going to require a little more than your usual go-to routine, but the effort should prove to be worth it. You’re going to need your hands or a partner. If you find that your fingers aren’t long enough to reach your G-spot or that they tire quickly, check out a G-spot stimulator like the Njoy Pure Wand.

Be sure to go to the bathroom before you try to squirt, this will help you relax and feel confident that you are not going to pee. Once you’ve emptied your bladder, lay back and find your G-spot. I recommend locating it with your fingers at first so that you can understand what it feels like. You can locate it by inserting your finger about 3 inches and making a hook or come hither motion with your finger. Make sure your finger is hooking towards the top wall of your vagina. Now feel around for a small patch that is rougher than the rest of wall–that’s your g-spot.

Now either recruit the help of your partner or a G-spot stimulator, or combine the two. Have them stimulate your G-spot by rubbing back and forth on it. You will feel it become more sensitive as it becomes engorged. If they are touching you right, you will probably feel like you have to pee. It’s important to ignore this feeling. You won’t be able to squirt if you can’t ignore it.

Have them continue to stimulate you and help out by stimulating yourself. The more aroused you can get the better. If you continue to stay relaxed, you’ll eventually feel your orgasm build. At this point, you have to let go. As women, we tend to suck in our pelvic muscles during an orgasm, but you need to do the exact opposite. Focus on pushing them out, this will help push the fluid down and out and maximize your orgasm. At this point, you should be able to squirt and once you do, you can expect to see anywhere from a teaspoon of fluid all the way up to 1/4 of a cup.

The best thing about squirting is that it’s much easier to achieve once you’ve unlocked it. You’ll also be able to achieve g-spot orgasms a lot more in general. I’m going to keep trying and so should you. Have fun exploring, practice makes perfect.

Correction: Bad Party, “Rape Detroit” and Intellectual Property

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Yesterday I was informed that “The RAPE/DETROIT Project”—the name I gave to my effort to raise awareness of the 10,000 unprocessed rape kits found in Detroit’s crime lab when it was shut down in 2008—was interpreted as a theft of intellectual property.

Nate Czarling’s “Rape Detroit,” the t-shirt exhibiting on the walls of The Burton Theatre, is an offspring of the song “Rape Detroit” by Detroit-identified band, Bad Party. As explained to me by band member and artist Nate Czarling, the song “Rape Detroit” is about Detroit artists stealing each other’s work, which Czarling and Bad Party see as a common practice.

When I saw “Rape Detroit” hanging as an artwork at The Burton Theatre, I was immediately inspired. It was not my intention to use Czarling’s artwork or idea as if it was my own. In fact, I am less interested in the phrase “Rape Detroit” than I am in the individual words “Rape” and “Detroit,” something that I perhaps incorrectly assumed was communicated by separating the words with a backslash (“/”).

“Rape Detroit” by Bad Party is a metaphor. The kind of rape that I am concerned with is very real and it is important that this distinction is made. Thus, I will no longer refer to my cause as “The RAPE/DETROIT Project,” and I extend an apology to Bad Party for this brief confusion of meaning.

I will continue collecting donations at The Burton Theatre so that I can purchase the t-shirt “Rape Detroit” by Nate Czarling and wear it throughout the holiday season to raise awareness of the City of Detroit’s condescending disregard for its citizens.

The RAPE/DETROIT Project: Spread the Word and Meet Me at the Burton

detroit-rape-kit-backlog

When the state of Michigan closed the Detroit crime lab in 2008, more than 10,000 rape kits were discovered in the laboratory basement, none of which had been submitted for analysis. The rape kits date from 1993 to 2006, and it is estimated that there are still thousands more at large in Wayne County. This means that 10,000 Detroit-bred sexual assault victims submitted their bodies and their trust in the local government and have been waiting for up to eighteen years for medical-legal evidence regarding whether sexual contact occurred, the nature and conditions of the assault, and information that may lead to identifying the perpetrator.

Detroit representatives who attended the National Eliminating the Rape Kit Backlog Roundtable in Washington DC in May 2010 believe that the local media has sufficiently informed the public about the so-called epidemic. Yet, since I became aware of the issue last May, I have come across only one other person who had prior knowledge of the problem.

At its very essence, this backlog is an issue of information–evidence and knowledge. It begs many questions regarding politics at a local, state and national level, women’s health and safety, how government funds are and should be delegated, the effectiveness of rape kits as a means to justice for victims of sexual assault, and so on. In my own research I have not found much consensus between the available resources. As a public we are uninformed and misinformed, and those responsible for informing us (governmental bodies, journalists) are able to slack because as a public, we are unaware. Awareness is a necessary precondition for action. Knowledge is the critical factor that connects the two.

The RAPE/DETROIT Project

Beginning today–Friday, November 12–small donation repositories will be placed at The Burton Theatre as an effort to bring awareness to the rape kit backlog in Detroit. Throughout the rest of November, you can contribute money to help purchase “Rape Detroit,” a wearable art installation by Nate Czarling, whose work is currently on exhibit at The Burton. The piece is priced at $100. Once the asking price is met and the artist is paid, any additional donations will be used to further spread awareness to Detroit’s public and victims. I will wear the t-shirt every day from December 1 to December 31.

The RAPE/DETROIT Project is my effort to bring attention to a cause I have been concerned and frustrated with for some time. It is my hope that by bringing attention to the rape kit backlog, discussions will be sparked and relationships will be forged so that we as a community can move together toward knowledge and action.

“Rape Detroit” will continue to exhibit and donations will continue to be accepted throughout the month of November during The Burton Theatre’s operating hours.  There are 36 showtimes in these next few weeks. I strongly believe that this is a community effort–donating even the change in your pocket acknowledges the political strength of Detroit’s creative class.

A few screenings I would like to highlight as relevant to the RAPE/DETROIT Project are as follows:

Orgasm Diaries: 11/19 and 11/24 at midnight
Sex Magic: 11/26 at midnight
Paris is Burning: Free screening. 11/23 at 9pm

See you tonight.