Tag Archives: female ejaculation

FEMALE EJACULATION! I finally did it!

This  image has nothing to do with the fact that I EJACULATED FOR THE FIRST TIME!

This image has nothing to do with the fact that I EJACULATED FOR THE FIRST TIME!

After nearly 10 years of occupying my mind with female ejaculation, I finally experienced it through my body! Here’s the bare-bones rundown of what happened:

I was having sex with a man on his couch in the dark. He was on top of me and I was on my back. Suddenly there was a splash of fluid on his lower abdomen. We simultaneously questioned what it was and realized what it was. We continued having sex until he came. Afterwords, we turned on the light and saw a wet spot on the couch that looked to measure about 5″ in diameter.

Here is a more detailed account of my experience:

The ejaculation came as a surprise. I wasn’t trying to ejaculate. I wasn’t even trying to have an orgasm. I didn’t feel the “squirt” of the fluid coming out of my urethra. I didn’t “push” and I didn’t feel any convulsions. It was only in retrospect that I recognized that the directional force of the fluid was coming from me. The fluid was warm. I could feel it dripping off of his body onto mine.

It wasn’t an orgasm, and I didn’t have an orgasm during this sexual experience. When I orgasm, I almost always need to chill out and recover after. I can’t continue having sex, I can’t really talk or touch or be touched, and I usually need to lay there and zone out in silence for at least a minute or two. Female ejaculation didn’t have the same effect as an orgasm. I didn’t need to rest. It didn’t deplete me the way that an orgasm does.

Although it is very cool to finally experience something I have only seen and heard about for 10 years, my first time ejaculating is most fascinating to me on an intellectual level. For example, why now? There’s so much to consider! In the coming days I’ll be writing a series of posts about my first experience with female ejaculation and the variables that I believe contributed to my ability to have this experience. These include:

  • Female ejaculation and emotional intimacy
  • Female ejaculation and relaxation/comfort
  • Female ejaculation and smoking marijuana
  • Female ejaculation and getting fucked/penetration
  • Female ejaculation as a passive experience

Stay tuned. And why not treat yourself to a pussy hat pin? :)

Anal Sex

anal

Here’s a topic I’ve never discussed on this blog: anal sex.

I’m not sure how the subject of anal managed to slip by because it’s totally relevant to my personal trajectory. As I’ve mentioned before, prostate stimulation can lead to female ejaculation. So since anal penetration directly stimulates the prostate it seems like a viable candidate for how to achieve female ejaculation.

In addition to having a strong tie to female ejaculation, anal sex also points to the existence of a unisexual pleasure–one that men and women can both experience in the same way. Instances of biological male-female similarity make for productive conversations about gender, especially in the case of sexuality, the experience of which is highly gendered.

Anyway, yesterday I was asked to share my opinion about an in-development “butt plug” (there has to be a better name for it). I was excited to revive janefader.com with an extra-special, spicy review of such a scandalous nature, but I totally chickened out!

So, yup, I’m gonna be talking about anal for the time being while I muster up the courage to either  a) use this new sex toy, or b) look deep within myself and figure out why I can’t bring myself to use this new sex toy. If there’s something you’re interested to expand your thinking about re: anal play, leave a comment or find some way to contact me anonymously. Topic suggestions include: anal play vs. anal sex, male vs. female prostate, hetero vs. homo anal sex, safety, Kurt Vonnegut, anal training, butt plugs, anal beads, and my favorite–the possibility of a symbolic relationship between shit and money (as is suggested by Freud).

Talk and Q&A on Female Ejaculation Documentary

female ejaculation in paris

This is a transcript of the talk I gave following a screening of my documentary, Female Ejaculation: Perceptions, at the 2009 Paris International Lesbian and Feminist Film Festival. I have an mp3 of the talk, but because I don’t speak French and the Parisian lesbians and feminists didn’t speak English, there are too many translations, silences and oh-do-you-mean’s to make a proper podcast out of it.

We have come together at the 2009 Paris International Lesbian and Feminist Film Festival to share creative works that address the theme of pleasure. However, female ejaculation is not about pleasure. Female ejaculation is about knowledge. Thus I will be momentarily redirecting our focus away from the unifying theme of the festival, and hope that I will be forgiven. Certainly my chances will be greater after my brief talk and Q & A period, when the lovely Judy Minx will grace us with her presence to lead a workshop on pleasure and anatomy.

After viewing Female Ejaculation: Perceptions, you may be surprised to learn of my concern with knowledge. My documentary provides very little of what we recognize to be “fact” or “truth.” The few truths and facts that are included are more often than not presented as contradictory, and you may catch yourself confused, questioning whether the subjects are all talking about the same thing.

You are absolutely right to question this. Many of the subjects make no distinction between orgasm, female ejaculation, squirting, gushing, or vaginal secretions, and as the director and editor, neither did I. There is not even full consensus amongst the interviewees about whether female ejaculation is real or fake. Essentially, the documentary is twelve minutes and forty-five seconds worth of rumors. Another way to say this is “about thirteen minutes worth of perceptions.

Why perceptions? Why not expert opinions? Research? Experiences?

The information presented in Female Ejaculation: Perceptions is an indirect reflection of that produced by the scientific community. There is no consensus amongst scientists about what female ejaculation is made of, how it is made, how it is expelled, and even whether or not it exists at all. In the UK, for example, the existence of female ejaculation is formally rejected. When it pops up in pornographic images it is censored by the BBFC, which claims that it is urine and therefore obscene.

I was wrong in my documentary when I narrated that there is an increasing body of knowledge developing on female ejaculation. There is not, and there will not be until there is a way for the pharmaceutical industry to profit.

Unfortunately, there was not enough time for me to say everything that I had planned to say. When you return home to conduct your research—in whatever form that may take—be critical of your sources, use many, check them against each other, and most importantly produce your own resources and share them with others. I’d now like to invite you to ask questions and join the conversation, and hope that we can remain focused on these issues of knowledge and recognition.

Orgasm is NOT Female Ejaculation

Female pleasure is so confusing.

Female pleasure is so confusing.

When I wrote about my difficulty with orgasm, I got a lot of questions from people asking whether I was talking about my difficulty achieving orgasm or my difficulty achieving female ejaculation. Any confusion is totally understandable. I would estimate that about 2/3 of the people I talk to about female sexual response are not aware that there is a difference between female ejaculation and orgasm. The words orgasm and ejaculation are practically synonymous in American culture. I am aware of this and and since I have been discussing female ejaculation for the past five years or so, it’s important that I clearly distinguish orgasm from female ejaculation.

As sophisticated sexual creatures, we must understand that orgasm is not female ejaculationOrgasm and female ejaculation are two very different sexual responses that occur by way of two very different sexual stimuli, are experienced through two very different directions of muscular contraction, and have two very different ways of making their occurrence known. I created this table to help distinguish between the two:

Orgasm is not female ejaculation

So to clarify, my last post was about my difficulty achieving orgasm, NOT my difficulty achieving female ejaculation. I have never ejaculated. From my understanding, it is an “advanced” sexual ability for most women, and because it is the stimuli that is pleasurable and not necessarily the response itself that is pleasurable, my motivation to achieve female ejaculation is not as strong as my motivation to be orgasmically “regular.” I have difficulty with orgasm, and I think that a lot of other women do, too. And while I find female ejaculation extremely interesting on an intellectual level, having orgasms is and has always been more important to me.

Gushing: Metro Times Interview with Jane Fader

“Grushing”: Travis Wright interviews Jane Fader, featured in the Metro Times “Lust Issue” (February 2011).

Photo from Jef Borgeau’s The Jane Show

What do you think you know about sex? Better question: What do you think you don’t know about sex? With all that’s out there, facets you can’t even fathom? Do you know about female ejaculation?

Jane Fader didn’t.

The discovery (not firsthand, mind you) of female ejaculation, left the then-philosophy major’s brain as twisted as after-sex bed sheets. She was thusly consumed by the subject.

Amongst other subjects — teledildonics, mismanaged rape kits, local rap — she writes openly about orgasms and female ejaculation, and the distinction between the two at janefader.com. In the past year, blending doctoral studies with dildo reviews in fine blogger fashion Fader’s made a name as a maven of social media, as well as a sexpert of sorts. While her website draws a community of commentators, she’s been a noted local tweeter, and the most-watched video on her YouTube channel tops 170,000 views.

She’s plucked a few notes as an activist but also as an unlikely rap video vixen, a gig that once backfired, she says, when “some 22-year-old art school motherfucker with a bad teenage mustache put my tits on the Internet.”

Fader’s uncannily candid when it comes to talking about sex and lust. She’s bookish and beautiful, and as silly or sultry as she wants to be. Her face makes amazing gestures, speaking with her words. The Jane Show, a recent photo exhibition by Jef Bourgeau at the Detroit Museum of New Art that featured portraits of Fader showed this and more.

We sat with Jane to talk about love, lust, and sex — all related to her studies before leaving a psychology doctoral program at Wayne State University. And, of course, we talked squirting. Here’s the interview:
Metro Times: The micro-funding website Kickstarter has been responsible for helping fund numerous l projects locally and around the country. What would your Kickstarter project be?

Jane Fader: It’d be for funding the female ejaculation documentary! I’ve researched it for so many years; wrote so many papers about it; have just thought a lot about it. Sometimes people get excited — titillated — when I talk about it. Then, half way through the conversation, I realize they have no idea what I’m talking about. At least outside of academia. In school, people do listen, but you have to put it like, “Female ejaculation is when the female prostate is stimulated and glands fill with a fluid that comes out the urethra …” Outside of academia, I can just say, “I’m talking about squirting, dude!”

MT: You’re really enthralled by this.

Fader: I was in the second year of my master’s studies at Wayne State University, I was 22, just about to be 23, and I had never had an orgasm. The weird thing was that I hadn’t ever considered that I hadn’t had one. Sex felt good. Felt fine. But when I was 20, I was in a production of Les Liaisons Dangereuses playing the virgin, Cécile and like the entire cast got pregnant, except for me. And all these girls were saying how they never felt like having sex, and I was like, “I don’t feel like having sex either!” And I was about to be married.

MT: Ok, orgasmless, Dangerous Liaisons, married, not pregnant. I’m with you.

Fader: So someone was like, “Wait, you’ve never had an orgasm?” That question sank in my head for a year. It became more apparent in my life. My friends started to make a big deal of it and it became a constant topic of conversation. “Hmm, Jane’s never had an orgasm.” My best friend just took me out to buy a vibrator. It took a while — but I had an orgasm.

MT: Is that a right of passage of some sort, the going to buy your first vibrator? Like when a young rocker’s first guitar or a budding stoner’s first bong?

Fader: You know what? I guess it is, she just took someone else last week. It totally was for me.

MT: You had a revelation of, literally, orgasmic proportions?

Fader: For sure! I got really into orgasms. I started thinking about where my thoughts on orgasms came from, researching how they’re represented in film, just digging through books. One day I came across an article about female ejaculation, and it came with explicit instructions; pictures and everything. I read it and couldn’t comprehend. I thought I was reading about orgasms. I had never heard of female ejaculation and here was this 20-page history of it, from Aristotle all the way up.

MT: Female ejaculation from Aristotle to where?

Fader: Toronto. I went online right away and looked up the author of the article and found that she was a professor at York University and gave these talks. So I drove up to Toronto and went to one of her workshops and, well, that entire semester it was all I could write about. I went on to write my thesis on it and then continued from there into my doctorate program. It wasn’t that I was fascinated by female ejaculation, it was more about how I was thinking about this new knowledge. Here existed something hadn’t even existed as something I could choose to want to know or not want to know about. You gotta wonder how many things there are that exist but that your mind just cannot fathom. Like walking into a room and seeing your husband fucking someone and you’re just shocked because you could never even want to fathom what that might look like. I’m guessing it’s something like that. It just wasn’t available to me. That’s why I kept returning to it.

MT: With all of this examination and consideration of female ejaculation, what were you trying to get at?

Fader: I don’t know — I still don’t know.

MT: Yet this is obviously your life’s work.

Fader: I think so. I’ve never ejaculated. [Scientifically, she thinks any woman can, she just hasn't so far.] There’s just so many more layers to unwrap yet.

MT: So part of your study is personal. There’s the science that amazes, and the action that evades?

Fader: It’s like, “Whoa, my body has the ability to do something nobody ever told me it could do. And I wanna know what it can do.” Then there’s just the relationship to the knowledge. We know men ejaculate and that there’s evidence of their pleasure that is measurable. Female sexual pleasure has always been held up as some great world mystery, beyond comprehension, and rarely addressed directly, as if it were godlike. It’s unexplainable, no one knows shit about it right? I mean, I was climaxing but I wasn’t orgasming and I didn’t know the difference. There’s such a difference.

MT: So, at one point you were engaged to be married …

Fader: That was before I had an orgasm …

MT: And the two are implicitly related?

Fader: Yeah, probably. My interest in learning about my sexuality changed. When I was engaged, I really didn’t think much about myself. I didn’t think much about him, either, to be honest. I was focused on going to school, taking 19 credits a semester and working 30 hours a week. Especially since I hadn’t really enjoyed it, I wasn’t thinking about what sexuality meant to me. I didn’t really have girlfriends to explain to me all that I was missing. And going to school the way I was just wasn’t good for a relationship.

MT: Let’s talk about porn. People look at porn and believe that what they see on screen is what sex should look like. But that’s not true. Especially in mainstream porn, where people engage in sex in positions that benefit the viewers more so than they do the doers.

Fader: And now a lot of the mass-produced porn just mimics amateur porn. Just take the P.O.V. (point-of-view) shot. I just started writing a blog about this, about the reverse cowgirl position. We don’t have sex, we have porn these days. The idea of the reverse cowgirl position becoming a sexual norm, as normal as missionary even, provides maximum visibility at the expense of comfort, convenience and, for me, pleasure. It’s performative for no one unless you’re having sex for someone, in front of someone. You’re displaying everything for someone who is watching. Sure, it might be in the Kama Sutra, but I just don’t know. And it’s a standard now.

MT: I’m curious to hear what you learned about lust.

Fader: The history of the concept of lust seems to exist in a confusion of whether it’s excessive sexuality or excessive love. Aristotle defined lust as excessive love. But it became a sin to love anything more than you’d love god. Throughout the writings on lust, many write about lack of self-control. One philosopher, Schopenhauer, thought that an ideal person, without lust, is a perfectly and completely productive industrial worker.? But there’s no question that, across the board, lust is thought of as a very strong, powerful, and mysterious emotion.

MT: How do you define lust?

Fader: I like the idea of lust being a strong emotional force that is spurred from physical, sexual arousal. Emotions coming from sex. The Judeo-Christian thing is that first you have emotions, then you have sex. I like the idea that sex breeds the emotion of lust.

MT: How does lust work its way into the female orgasm? I’ve heard that to be achieved, it requires great concentration — something a woman mentally works toward. On the other hand, I’ve heard it described as a great release, a “letting go.” The later seeming more in-tune with lust.

Fader: There definitely are those two schools. There’s the idea that if you’re uptight and can’t surrender, you wont have an orgasm. Then there’s the feminist stance of, well, “taking back the orgasm.” I don’t think those two ideas have to be mutually exclusive. In fact, they come to work together. Lust is active. Not, like, push-out female ejaculation active, but that it involves an active concentration to let go. One of the examples I heard recently at a sex and intimacy workshop I liked that best illustrates the idea is this: Can you just relax your anus? Can you really do that, right now? Your butt muscle? That’s a deliberate letting go. That said, no one’s ever given me an orgasm. I’ve never, as they say, surrendered.

MT: You don’t like that using the word surrender at all though, do you?

Fader: No one’s ever made me come. I’d rather just say that. And making someone cum is a nice thing to do for someone. I mean, I don’t call it “surrendering” when a guy’s fucking my mouth. I don’t tell him, “surrender to me.”

MT: Seeing has how your somewhat of a social media pro, I’m curious how you see the cyber sex chat room and instant message phenomenon of the 1990s juxtaposed with today’s Facebook and Twitter platforms.

Fader: Well they sure make obsessing a whole lot easier, don’t they? They make it easier to maybe temporarily fulfill fantasies on a superficial level. Give me a little more info, then a little bit more, where are you now, what photo of you is that, where was it taken? Facebook is lustful in that it’s excessive. In a way I really like, maybe it can expand the possibilities for what can turn you on. There’s sustained eroticism in the constant non-contact. Dirty sexting is the same thing.

MT: Is naughty text messages and Facebook flirting sex or or foreplay?

Fader: Depends on your definition of sex, I suppose. If only penile-vaginal penetration is ex then, well, Clinton’s off the hook! All of these things have to be laid out, but the bigger point is that sex is harder and harder to define. Blowjobs? Are blow jobs sex? Sexting? I don’t know. I guess I’m traditional in that penetration is my definition of what sex is. And then there’s anal?? I mean, if I had anal sex I would consider it losing my virginity but I wouldn’t consider it sex. From my own experience, Facebook’s only been a medium of embarrassment. The issue of relationship status — man, that’s a huge thing. Writing on someone’s wall, it’s apparent only sometimes whether there’s something sexual going on between two people. Liking each other’s comments is cute and a bit much.

MT: What about Twitter, does it lend itself to lusty endeavors?

Fader: It’s all about the seedy underworld of direct messaging, baby. Oh my god. I’ve challenged people to draw pictures of what they believe the underworld of Twitter direct messaging looks like. No one has taken me up on it. What about Skype? I find Skype to be very erotic. I just found a picture of myself taken while I was talking to my boyfriend when I was in Paris. It was a really intense photo screen capture. There’s this look in my eyes. We weren’t doing anything sexual, but the look in the photo tells a different story. Skyping is something I find people do in private. I never had any erotic exchanges on MySpace.

MT: And on the topic of erotic exchanges, let’s talk about Teledildonics.

Fader: Yes, lets! Have you ever read Howard Rheingold’s Teledildonics? It’s a beautiful and short essay from a 1991 issue of Mondo Magazine in which he kind of contextualizes the relationships between sex, technology, contemporary culture and social media. I was assigned to research teledildonics in a class on cyber culture. It was a theory-heavy class and Rheingold is a social theorist who was the first person to use the term teledildonics. He’s just a really brilliant guy who lectures at U.C.-Berkeley. Unlike female ejaculation, sex with robots was not unimaginable or inconceivable me. Discovering that Detroit used to be a leading logging boomtown in the nation was, however, like learning about female ejaculation. Detroit’s logging industry is to female ejaculation what the auto industry is to orgasm.

MT: You’ve been tracking sex and sexuality for a year on your website and have studied various realms of the subject for consecutive years prior. What’ve you learned about yourself?

Fader: That I’m rebellious, and that I like to be rebellious. I go against the grain. Let’s say I like to have sex in the missionary position. Is that because I’m enjoying my own oppression in a position that’s more pleasing for the man, because I want him to be pleased? And if I do enjoy that, should I rebel from that because I’m naturally inclined to do so? And If I know I’m naturally inclined to be rebellious, should I rebel against that? Or should I be bad then, and allow myself to be put in missionary position and get that double pleasure from being bad in the sense that I’m going against myself? It’s this whole post-feminist stuff. Would I be betraying? myself to not get spanked because getting spanked is not feminist? What if I like it?

MT: So there’s an internal battle between submitting to feminism or submitting to lust?

Fader: Yes, politics and pleasure pull at each other but I know that my politics do not align with my pleasure. And why should it, really? Why do I have to politicize my pleasure? If I’m a feminist in the bedroom, does that make me politically active? There’s no place for feminist politics when my mouth is being fucked. I’m not out to fight for wages or battle pro-lifers. If I masturbate and talk about it in stupid YouTube videos, does that make me a feminist? If so, is that something I even want?

Fader’s articles, ideas, projects and sex toy review videos can be found at janefader.com. All photos are from The Jane Show by Jef Bourgeau; detroitmona.com.