Tag Archives: female ejaculation

Female Ejacultaion as a Passive Experience

IMG_2337

After nearly ten years of vigorously pursuing knowledge about female ejaculation, I finally experienced it myself. Why now, after all this time? Since there is no scientific consensus on female ejaculation I can’t be totally sure, but as I explained in my last post there were a few conditions of this particular sexual experience that I believe were integral components:

  • emotional intimacy
  • comfort/relaxation
  • smoking weed/being high
  • getting fucked/penetration
  • passivity

This post explores the role of passivity in my experience ejaculating.

To recap, when I first squirted I was getting fucked missionary position by a man on his couch. But it didn’t begin that way. It began with the much more common scenario of me trying to get out of having sex.

Those who know me well know that my desire to talk about sex is far greater than my desire to have sex. To those who don’t know me well, this often comes as a disappointment. I am acutely aware of this disappointment and the weight of it brings me such turmoil due to my nature of needing to please others, but more so due to my need to be seen as authentic. If I talk about sex and then don’t have it, it kind of looks like I’m not “walking the walk,” right?

I find myself in this situation regularly, and almost just as regularly there is an additional element of the fragility of the male ego. Maybe I feel like there is so much at stake in sexual consent because there seems to be so much gained by giving a girl an orgasm.

Nevertheless, I’ve come up with several strategies for dealing with this situation when it comes about, and I used one of these strategies the night I ejaculated for the first time. Here’s what happened:

He wanted to have sex. I didn’t want to have sex. I was too tired. As a compromise, I proposed that I would pretend like I was asleep and he could pretend to violate me, like in one of those sleeping porn videos. Though I think he was a little disappointed by my reticence to participate, we both got turned on by this idea and assumed position on the couch. I secretly believed I would actually just fall asleep by the time anything really got going and put a halt to the whole game, but I was wrong.

I was in some sort of partial sleep state. Combined with the marijuana, this lent to the kind of consciousness one is in during a massage–my mind and body weren’t separate. I was both fully in my body and totally out of body as I laid on my side and he peeled my panties down and started to fuck me from behind.

I maintained this fuzzy limpness as he flipped me over onto my back and fucked me hard. Had I been fully awake and active, this would have been the point when I would have started rubbing my pussy and trying to orgasm. But I did nothing because we were playing this sleeping game (was it a game? I wasn’t acting…).

Then it happened–I ejaculated. Not so much a squirt but a little splash, breaking on his lower abdomen with the intensity of a Noxzema commercial.

 

FEMALE EJACULATION! I finally did it!

This  image has nothing to do with the fact that I EJACULATED FOR THE FIRST TIME!

This image has nothing to do with the fact that I EJACULATED FOR THE FIRST TIME!

After nearly 10 years of occupying my mind with female ejaculation, I finally experienced it through my body! Here’s the bare-bones rundown of what happened:

I was having sex with a man on his couch in the dark. He was on top of me and I was on my back. Suddenly there was a splash of fluid on his lower abdomen. We simultaneously questioned what it was and realized what it was. We continued having sex until he came. Afterwords, we turned on the light and saw a wet spot on the couch that looked to measure about 5″ in diameter.

Here is a more detailed account of my experience:

The ejaculation came as a surprise. I wasn’t trying to ejaculate. I wasn’t even trying to have an orgasm. I didn’t feel the “squirt” of the fluid coming out of my urethra. I didn’t “push” and I didn’t feel any convulsions. It was only in retrospect that I recognized that the directional force of the fluid was coming from me. The fluid was warm. I could feel it dripping off of his body onto mine.

It wasn’t an orgasm, and I didn’t have an orgasm during this sexual experience. When I orgasm, I almost always need to chill out and recover after. I can’t continue having sex, I can’t really talk or touch or be touched, and I usually need to lay there and zone out in silence for at least a minute or two. Female ejaculation didn’t have the same effect as an orgasm. I didn’t need to rest. It didn’t deplete me the way that an orgasm does.

Although it is very cool to finally experience something I have only seen and heard about for 10 years, my first time ejaculating is most fascinating to me on an intellectual level. For example, why now? There’s so much to consider! In the coming days I’ll be writing a series of posts about my first experience with female ejaculation and the variables that I believe contributed to my ability to have this experience. These include:

  • Female ejaculation and emotional intimacy
  • Female ejaculation and relaxation/comfort
  • Female ejaculation and smoking marijuana
  • Female ejaculation and getting fucked/penetration
  • Female ejaculation as a passive experience

Stay tuned. And why not treat yourself to a pussy hat pin? :)

Anal Sex

anal

Here’s a topic I’ve never discussed on this blog: anal sex.

I’m not sure how the subject of anal managed to slip by because it’s totally relevant to my personal trajectory. As I’ve mentioned before, prostate stimulation can lead to female ejaculation. So since anal penetration directly stimulates the prostate it seems like a viable candidate for how to achieve female ejaculation.

In addition to having a strong tie to female ejaculation, anal sex also points to the existence of a unisexual pleasure–one that men and women can both experience in the same way. Instances of biological male-female similarity make for productive conversations about gender, especially in the case of sexuality, the experience of which is highly gendered.

Anyway, yesterday I was asked to share my opinion about an in-development “butt plug” (there has to be a better name for it). I was excited to revive janefader.com with an extra-special, spicy review of such a scandalous nature, but I totally chickened out!

So, yup, I’m gonna be talking about anal for the time being while I muster up the courage to either  a) use this new sex toy, or b) look deep within myself and figure out why I can’t bring myself to use this new sex toy. If there’s something you’re interested to expand your thinking about re: anal play, leave a comment or find some way to contact me anonymously. Topic suggestions include: anal play vs. anal sex, male vs. female prostate, hetero vs. homo anal sex, safety, Kurt Vonnegut, anal training, butt plugs, anal beads, and my favorite–the possibility of a symbolic relationship between shit and money (as is suggested by Freud).

Talk and Q&A on Female Ejaculation Documentary

female ejaculation in paris

This is a transcript of the talk I gave following a screening of my documentary, Female Ejaculation: Perceptions, at the 2009 Paris International Lesbian and Feminist Film Festival. I have an mp3 of the talk, but because I don’t speak French and the Parisian lesbians and feminists didn’t speak English, there are too many translations, silences and oh-do-you-mean’s to make a proper podcast out of it.

We have come together at the 2009 Paris International Lesbian and Feminist Film Festival to share creative works that address the theme of pleasure. However, female ejaculation is not about pleasure. Female ejaculation is about knowledge. Thus I will be momentarily redirecting our focus away from the unifying theme of the festival, and hope that I will be forgiven. Certainly my chances will be greater after my brief talk and Q & A period, when the lovely Judy Minx will grace us with her presence to lead a workshop on pleasure and anatomy.

After viewing Female Ejaculation: Perceptions, you may be surprised to learn of my concern with knowledge. My documentary provides very little of what we recognize to be “fact” or “truth.” The few truths and facts that are included are more often than not presented as contradictory, and you may catch yourself confused, questioning whether the subjects are all talking about the same thing.

You are absolutely right to question this. Many of the subjects make no distinction between orgasm, female ejaculation, squirting, gushing, or vaginal secretions, and as the director and editor, neither did I. There is not even full consensus amongst the interviewees about whether female ejaculation is real or fake. Essentially, the documentary is twelve minutes and forty-five seconds worth of rumors. Another way to say this is “about thirteen minutes worth of perceptions.

Why perceptions? Why not expert opinions? Research? Experiences?

The information presented in Female Ejaculation: Perceptions is an indirect reflection of that produced by the scientific community. There is no consensus amongst scientists about what female ejaculation is made of, how it is made, how it is expelled, and even whether or not it exists at all. In the UK, for example, the existence of female ejaculation is formally rejected. When it pops up in pornographic images it is censored by the BBFC, which claims that it is urine and therefore obscene.

I was wrong in my documentary when I narrated that there is an increasing body of knowledge developing on female ejaculation. There is not, and there will not be until there is a way for the pharmaceutical industry to profit.

Unfortunately, there was not enough time for me to say everything that I had planned to say. When you return home to conduct your research—in whatever form that may take—be critical of your sources, use many, check them against each other, and most importantly produce your own resources and share them with others. I’d now like to invite you to ask questions and join the conversation, and hope that we can remain focused on these issues of knowledge and recognition.

After reading my friend’s fantastic review of the Jopen Intensity vibrator and Kegel exerciser I began to question my feelings of fear about trying the Intensity vibrator, and wonder what effect that non-positive reactions like mine actually have on a product’s sales or a user’s experience. Do people come to my blog to get an opinion on a sex toy they are thinking about purchasing? Does one sex blogger questioning questioning reviews I thought I’d preview one of the more exciting discoveries I’ve come accross in my quest to find out whether or not the Intensity vibrator is safe to use: The Intensity’s electrostimulation feature–the feature that I am concerned about the safety of–appears to have ancestry in the medical treatment of incontinance, as well as in kink and sadomasochism. Looking at the Intensity’s passe floral packaging, I would have never expected to find it in either of those categories (the Intensity aesthetic seems more suited for something like designer imposter pantyhoes). More details about this later, and on to the Intensity review written by my anonymous friend Stacie whose open mind and brave heart are far more capable of objective analysis than the present author (if only in her present state).