Tag Archives: pornography

Why I Removed Certain of My Porns

Hi, long time no write.

You’re already aware that I’ve found near stable happiness working as a camgirl. You may not know that I have been producing short pornographic video clips, or that I might even like doing these projects more than interacting in the chat rooms.

At first I made videos only for John, my biggest client with whom I fell in love. I attribute some of my love for him to the fact that he lit my fire by giving me video assignments (he also commissioned writings, but he is unique in believing such a skill has any monetary value).

When my John-heart went dark I was angry and unable to interface as my work requires, and without the support from my number one client my eyes looked elsewhere for resources. Out of spite and desperation I tried to explode our intimacy by selling the videos I made for him on Clips4Sale, a porn video clip download site. I had a few others and posted them, too.

While I mended I was too emotional to consistently engage customers in real time, and I realized I like making movies at least as much as I like camming. I decided to start taking porn clips more seriously.

Although selling the videos I made for John was not an actual violation, I wasn’t true to myself when I crudely put them up for resale. So tonight I took them all down, along with a few others for which I have lingering philosophical and aesthetic hesitations.

Being honest isn’t that great if you’re not first being true.

Female Ejaculation: Who Cares?


Female ejaculation was an underwhelming experience that I will no longer force myself to write about.

I’m interested in female ejaculation because of the unique situation it presents in terms of knowledge formation, and the significance of pornography in that situation.

Experiencing ejaculation provided me with a higher level of confidence that it is real and that’s pretty much it.

I hope this doesn’t come to you as a disappointment. I’m neither here nor there about it.

Anal is the New Hardcore

Anal is the New Hardcore

Image by Jane Fader

Researching anal sex on the internet has proven to be quite a challenge, so this morning I went to my local brick-and-mortar bookstore to see what they had to offer. It was hard to find a title that guaranteed its pages were about anal, and when I finally did something weird happened–I was too embarrassed to take it off the shelf.

Now, by this point I had already spent a suspicious amount of time reading excerpts from other books from the sexuality section. I think I even cheated out to the isle while skimming a copy of The Ethical Slut, hoping a news reporter would happen by and snap my photo or something. But I froze when my eyes landed on The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure. I couldn’t even pick this book up. I mean, just seeing this book on the shelf made me feel like a total pervert for being interested in anything sexual at all. I shimmied out of the bookstore and walked home, thinking about what a degenerate I’d be viewed as if I were a man and spent my time doing the things I do.

At first I thought that maybe anal pleasure is too extreme for me to be comfortable with and I kind of freaked out and thought, great, yet another item on my “things I was really excited about but never followed through on” list. But then I realized that while anal sex absolutely pushes me to think about some difficult things and try some new things, that’s only part of what bothered me. It isn’t that I’m freaked out by anal sex per se. Rather, I’m freaked out about publicly associating myself with anal sex.

In pornography, the presence of an erect penis makes the difference between whether a video will be designated as softcore or hardcore. Late night Playboy, art films, sex education movies, women’s and couples erotica–these are all tawdry and socially hushed but still regarded as somewhat politically correct ways to consume erotic images. Hardcore pornography, on the other hand, is strongly correlated with the worst social ills–rape, violence, murder, addiction, child abuse. Even in 2013 I think there is a subtle unspoken assumption that if you watch pornography, you’re a little mentally unhealthy (that, or you became mentally unhealthy from watching porn).

A woman masturbating alone with a sex toy (as my sex toy reviews implied I did) isn’t a threatening idea. In fact, it may even just be a new take on the ultimate pornographic image where the viewer desires a woman desiring herself. It’s “naughty” and “edgy,” but it’s a highly sexualized pro-woman situation so what can you do but applaud it? Heterosexual anal penetration, on the other hand, has so much rejection and disapproval from so many different camps–plus it deals with your bum and maybe even poop (ew!)–that it carries aversion in its aura. It’s easy to write off because it elicits such a strong reaction. Kind of like, “I know it when I see it.”

Anal is the new hardcore. It’s thought of as gross, offensive, possibly only benefiting the penetrator, associated with dehumanizing women, associated with homosexuality, thought of as dangerous, and so on. And as it turns out, I’m embarrassed to associate myself with it. But I think this says less about my personal attitudes and more about the attitudes of society.

And this is always where I get into trouble…prioritizing my desire to experience/learn about cultural taboos and marginalities above my desire to make myself feel comfortable.


Concept Over Quality: Erotic Film Fest Hits Detroit

detroit-film-festOn August 26, Detroit will host its first erotic film festival, Detroit Independent Video Erotica (DIVE), a one-night showcase of international short films and videos. I got the opportunity to talk with “the DIVE team” about porn, Detroit’s erotic art scene, and how affordable, user-friendly technology gives everyone the opportunity for creative sexual expression. Check it out: 

Jane Fader: In Detroit, the most successful and beautifully organized art events–the Dirty Show and DAMNED especially–always seem to have sexual themes. Where do you locate the DIVE film festival in Detroit’s artistic landscape?

The DIVE Team: Even though the DIVE Festival is not based on the Dirty Show, the erotic poetry slam, the Noir Leather fashion shows, or any other event, those events do go to show that there is strong demand and participation in the field of erotic art in the Detroit area.

JF: DIVE’s call for art strongly emphasizes the difference between erotica and pornography, but doesn’t offer a definition of either outside of the exemplary. Could you elaborate on the difference between erotic and pornographic?

DIVE: As for the distinction between erotic and pornographic, it’s difficult to say. With mainstream cinema, there are some depictions of sexuality that are pretty explicit, as in films like Shortbus, Y Tu Mama Tambien, and Shame. However, that did not make those films pornographic. All we can say is that we’re not likely to be interested in videos of the kind one would see on YouPorn.com, the sex for its own sake without any sense of style, story, or artistry; the gangbangs; the misogynistic stuff.

JF: What kind of videos and films are you interested in?

DIVE: The goal of the DIVE Film Festival is to inspire people to make (or submit existing) creative erotic/sensual works on video. The criteria for submission is being left somewhat vague because we don’t want to limit people’s creativity. As I’m sure you know, the range of expression of sexuality is vast, in terms of the range of preferences, and in individual expression. We want to be accepting of all of it. The great news is that creating video works no longer depends on having professional-grade equipment. Most newer cell phones and point & shoot cameras have very good video quality, and editing and soundtracks can be done with software provided free on many home computers (like iMovie). These are easy tools for “amateurs” who want to create and contribute a piece. Ultimately, the finest image quality is less important than the overall concept and style. Beyond that, we’re hoping to draw in the artists, too–the people who have a unique vision that they can use to approach this subject matter. In talking with people in the art community, I’ve heard tales of some video work that sounds incredible, and hope that the creators of those works will submit them to the festival. While we expect that most videos will be live footage, there’s always the possibility some will be animated, claymation, stop-action or even a Ken Burns-style montage of still photos that use zooming and panning to create the dynamics. That would be fantastic! Works need not be literal, either. The depictions can be metaphorical or abstract. They can be as short as a television commercial or any length up to six minutes. We want the audience to leave the festival…over-stimulated…(pardon the bad pun).

DIVE is currently accepting submissions of films, videos and animations of all genres ranging anywhere from a few seconds to 6 minutes. More information and updates on the DIVE Facebook page.