Hi, long time no write.
You’re already aware that I’ve found near stable happiness working as a camgirl. You may not know that I have been producing short pornographic video clips, or that I might even like doing these projects more than interacting in the chat rooms.
At first I made videos only for John, my biggest client with whom I fell in love. I attribute some of my love for him to the fact that he lit my fire by giving me video assignments (he also commissioned writings, but he is unique in believing such a skill has any monetary value).
When my John-heart went dark I was angry and unable to interface as my work requires, and without the support from my number one client my eyes looked elsewhere for resources. Out of spite and desperation I tried to explode our intimacy by selling the videos I made for him on Clips4Sale, a porn video clip download site. I had a few others and posted them, too.
While I mended I was too emotional to consistently engage customers in real time, and I realized I like making movies at least as much as I like camming. I decided to start taking porn clips more seriously.
Although selling the videos I made for John was not an actual violation, I wasn’t true to myself when I crudely put them up for resale. So tonight I took them all down, along with a few others for which I have lingering philosophical and aesthetic hesitations.
Being honest isn’t that great if you’re not first being true.
Undressing me for the first time, he he tugged off my knee socks and said to himself, “I knew she was going to have pretty feet.” Though I don’t remember who fed me this line, I do remember gaining a new and lasting confidence when I ate it up.
Foot fetishes are huge in the adult entertainment industry. It’s an especially attractive option for a camgirl because it can be catered to with minimal effort and modest sexualization. Combined with my vague romantic memories and rumors of a foot fetish parlor opening up in Portland, the seemingly low-effort niche of foot fetish modeling was something I wanted to pursue.
This week I answered a Craigslist ad searching for women who would allow their feet to be photographed in exchange for money ($50-75/hr). I heard back from a talent coordinator who asked me to provide 12 very specific photos of my feet for her consideration. I submitted the photos and received the following response:
I just reviewed your pics and while I do realize you gave yourself a bad pedicure and it shows, also your nails are not single color polished either. Both of these are not in your best interest to show for our staff to review. Although I can see overall there some some very good qualities to your feet, the overall presentation with bad pedi, and unpolished nails would not be in your best interest to submit.
I would strongly suggest taking your time, cleaning up pedi, putting on polish, and concentrate on taking a set of pictures. Just my suggestion. Then again if you have time constraints I can submit “as is,” but it would’t be in your best interest, especially if trying to get into foot work as you mentioned.
Please let me know how to proceed and I will respectfully do so.
[Adult Talent Recruiter]
Do you want to see my foot fetish audition photo set? Just ask
“I try to write songs that have the effect of an abstract painting, where the meaning is deliberately obfuscated and confused as a way of inducing listener interaction. To drive my audience to embellish the song with their own prejudices and experience. This is what I’m getting at when I say, Bring me the Robe, I imagine a work of art as a naked, physical body. The robe I refer to is all the hypothetical interpretations, criticisms, re-imaginings and creative extensions that the audience provides; the uniquely personal readings that embellish the text and add nuance to its meaning. Charles Olson brought the robe to Herman Melville. Kurosawa brought the robe to Shakespeare. Jimi Hendrix brought the robe to Francis Scott Key. To see something you’ve created become a generative source for new artworks and critical inquiries I believe is one of the greatest rewards of making cultural products. I want the robe badly, but I can’t get it myself. It has to be brought.”